For the past couple of weeks Alex has been telling me I need to update this blog. Well, I don't know if it is obvious to anybody but me, but I really don't like blogging. Maybe if I had more interesting things to say it would be better, but I also hate writing down my feelings. I have never been a good journal keeper. But Alex has been keeping a journal sent he left and he hasn't done that since his mission, so I guess I can try and do my part.
So much has happened since we got home from our cruise. About a week later we found out that Alex was deploying to Afghanistan and that day we found out we were expecting baby number 5! We had prayed and fasted for many months whether we should have another baby and finally felt it was right, and so it was a real shocker to realize that Alex would be gone when the baby was born. We were told that Alex would leave in June and be back hopefully in February.
Well it doesn't take a scientist to figure out that the baby was due sometime in December. So we prayed about whether we should try and get out of this deployment or if Alex should continue to go. We both felt very strongly that this is where he needed to be at this time. We don't know why, and maybe we never will know why Alex is gone right now, but having that answer gave us the ability to prepare for him leaving and for us to have this little baby.

Alex left June 26 for 5 weeks of training in New Jersey. He then went straight to Afghanistan. He is at a little tiny base in the middle of nowhere, but not away from danger. There are only about 30 individuals at this base and Alex is the only Air Force member, the rest are Army.

We have been truly blessed that he is able to call us almost everyday and get on the webcam almost everyday. I am hoping that I am smart enought to hook up the old laptop at the hospital so he can see the baby as soon after it is born as possible. The deployment has affected everyone in different ways. Macady has had a hard time sleeping and still asks where he is. She talks about him all the time and will tell me that he left on a airplane. Andy just wants his dad to come home so he can play the WII with him. Berlyn and Wes have handled it pretty well. They understand a whole lot more than the little ones. Berlyn really misses just talking to her dad and asking him questions. He is very open with her and I know she really likes that.

My friend told me about a husband and wife in Missouri that makes these pillows for children of a deployed parent. I took a picture of each kid with Alex before he left and sent them to the people. The kids love their pillows and many nights I go to check on the kids and find them hugging their "daddy pillows". I know it makes them feel better. This deployment has been the hardest for me. I miss Alex more than I thought I would and instead of getting better, it just feels like I miss him more. After more than 10 years of marriage, it has been really hard to be seperated from him. And being pregnant hasn't helped. I miss the help he always gives me. I am so tired at the end of the day from doing everything. But it has truly made me appreciate all that he does when he is home.

He always does dinner dishes with me and the kids and bathes the little ones, but I miss hearing him play with the kids and having fun with them. I miss just talking and laughing. I would give anything to just have a hug or hold his hand. As much as I hate him being gone, I am grateful for how it makes me appreciate him so much more and love him that much more. I am grateful that he is willing to leave us and go help protect our freedoms and help our country out.

So besides Alex leaving we have had two deaths in our family. Alex's step-dad passed away in May and two weeks later his Aunt passed away. It was a difficult time, but a wonderful time to teach our children the plan of salvation and that one day we will see Grandpa again. There wasn't time to go on a family vacation before Alex left, but Berlyn has all next year figured out for us. She wants to go to the beach, Disneyland, Legoland, Sea World, and to Utah. I told her maybe we could go to the beach next summer and most likely Utah, but don't count on Disneyland with a new born. We did so much swimming this summer that everyone has a white butt and a really tan body. The kids did really well in swimming lessons and Berlyn should be able to finish the lesosns next year and Macady will be able to start. We are now in school. Berlyn is in 4th grade, Wes 2nd, and I am helping Andy at home with preschool stuff and Macady just does what a 2 year old does best! I originally decided to not find out what we are having since this is our last baby. But Berlyn and Alex wanted to know. So I took Berlyn with me to my ultrasound and the tech told her and gave her a picture that she could mail to her dad. They did a really good job of keeping the secret. But when I went to my next dr. appointment, she accidentially told me. She thought I knew and she felt horrible. So it looks like another little girl is joining our family. We are all really excited. We only have 12 more weeks to go. I am scared to death to have this one without Alex, but I guess it will happen with or without him. I am grateful for all that we have been blessed with and pray that the rest of Alex's deployment goes smoothly and safely for him!